i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
