im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
