oh god the rape fog is back!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
