my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
