Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
