I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
