i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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