Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
