I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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