The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
