I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I don't think brook has ever known best
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
