there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
