sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
