I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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