I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
