I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize