Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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