Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
