go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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