I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
