If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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