I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
