I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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