i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
