whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize