Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
