I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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