Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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