Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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