So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
