oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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