If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
