I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize