im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
