How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
