Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
