I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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