Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
