no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
