this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
