Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize