i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
