hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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