You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
