I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize