you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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