dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize