It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
