dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
