my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
