my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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