Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
