why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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