Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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