You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
