i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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