hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
