Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
