What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize