Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
