I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
