What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My cat gives me a boner
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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