I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
