Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
