guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
