i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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