Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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