we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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