I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
