Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
