Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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