How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
