so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
