he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
