Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
