Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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