I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
