Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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