bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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