I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
