He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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