When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
