4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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