My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
