So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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