He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Acid is not a monday night drug
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
