Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
