I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
