bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
