Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
