his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You dont lie about slip and slides
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
