Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
