that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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