I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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