How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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