she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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