Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
