I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this will be a night to untag.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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